Collateral Reportage

Why you should leave, and why you’ll be back.

by J. Alex Cooney

I had just about every reason you can imagine for wanting to quit Facebook. My account was hacked twice, I had a string of groups that I had joined with profanity-laced names that would make you do a triple take, I had photos which weren’t awful but the comments attached quickly made that point moot, plus I was in the middle of a job search — in other words, I was the typical college student Facebook user. I joined in November 2004 and used the thing like mad for 18 months.

Then, in the spring of 2006 I had enough and pulled the plug.

I deleted every single gallery and photo, every post, comment, link, like, dislike, group, and website I could find my name even semi-attached to. Then I deleted the account, sure that I would never return.

I made it a good year before I unceremoniously dragged myself back into a world of pokes, and feeds, boisterous/bizzare political rants of friends and this Farmville thing that I have still managed to steer clear of. Amidst all the new and old crap, I was focused. In my year away from Facebook I came to realize and respect what it does. It is the world’s most efficient character catalyst.

It’s a morality meter bolted onto a megaphone, but here’s the thing — you can only be judged by what you feed it. Don’t for one second thing that you can air dirty laundry about coworkers or your boss to one tier of “friends” and then turn around an present yourself as the polished professional consensus builder. It ain’t gonna fly. Word gets around, because of you.

I say all of this in the context of the new API which Facebook has used to make much of your information publicly available by default. Things like status updates, wall posts, comments, likes and dislikes. Though it is allegedly done as a way to tailor websites to your supposed tastes, it has unleashed a flurry of angry rhetoric and caused a number of users to quit. If you find yourself wanting to do so, I say go for it. But use it as a chance to hit the reset button. Clear your mind — and account — then realize this: Facebook is a very simple tool and here’s how you use it.

It is a block party for everyone in your life. Mom, dad, boss, sister, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, random Chatroulette friend — they’re all there and they are real people, watching and remembering. Don’t be phony, don’t be stupid; just be you, and make sure you are in control.

Leverage this thing for good — connect your blog or your company website. Lock down your wall so that only you can make posts. Join groups that reflect you on your best days, but have a little fun too. Define yourself, not as you want people to think of you, but as you really are.

It all boils down to your identity and who controls it on the web. The answer is simple. You. You are the one that gives Facebook/Twitter/Foursquare/Amazon/Google/whoever its information derived power, so don’t be bitterly agog when they want to dig in and use it in their interest, rather than yours. I don’t care what the Terms of Service or the Privacy Policy might say, or someday say, because here’s what they all really say: We can and will do whatever we damn well please with the stuff you give us, so long as we stay profitable.

Facebook is a company and you need to interact with it as such. They deal in information and making connections. No, not friend to friend; rather, advertiser to consumer. I’m not defending Facebook by any means, I’m just reminding you that once you realize that you are advertising yourself to your consumers — friends, family, and coworkers — the relationship gets a lot less complicated. In fact, it even becomes useful.

And if you still need to kvetch about someone or something in your life, there is a place where you can go and do so. A place where those who aren’t there won’t hold that “I hate my boss” t-shirt against you, and those that are might even forget about what you said or did, be it good or bad. It’s called the bar/coffee house/restaurant/park down the street from you. Hey, you could search your friends newly divulged profiles, I bet you’ll find some of them are already over there right now.